Frigga
07-03-2009, 02:00 AM
Do you have values and beliefs that collide with your family members' values and beliefs? And could they be defining factors to your expulsion from the family, or are you able to "agree to disagree" for the benefit of the relationship?
With my parents, yes, I do have conflicting beliefs, as they are Christian, and I left the church about 10 years ago. They are the best parents about it though. I'm not thrown out of the family, and if I was living in the '50's with my current behavior of living unwed to my boyfriend for 8 years, and being a Northen European heathen, I think that they're gems, as my belief system, and current state of unwed co-habitation doesn't concern them as much as the lack of grandchildren. :D
But, they're not the reason I came up with this thread! ;)
I had family that drove out from Kentucky to visit for a few days. We do not see each other very often. I had not seen my aunt for 20 years, since my aunt and uncle's wedding in which I was the flower girl. I had not seen my uncle for 13 years, when he came out for his father's funeral. My two cousins I had never met. My aunt and uncle are both retired military.
While at a restaurant in San Francisco Chinatown, the plans for the next day were being discussed. As it was a Sunday, they were planning on going to Church, and then afterwards to drive down to Muir Woods. My uncle asked if I would be attending, with the assumption that I would be going, because of course I'm Christian, right? (:rolleyes:)
Well, instead of keeping my mouth shut, and just allowing the trip to continue on it's merry way to a happy ending; I told the truth: that I would not be attending church, as I'm a heathen, and I had gotten "shanghaied to go to church a few weeks previously because I needed to talk to the preacher's wife about professional matters, as I am wanting to get into the medical field as a doula. I had been saying this in a joking manner, as I'm no longer defensive of my choices. I got some shell shocked faces, and an internal chastisement from that little part of me that snoozes all too often, (namely common sense) for being a dork and telling my extended family things that they didn't need to know, as they wouldn't understand.
I got the line, You don't believe in the Bible?, and I had a difficult time telling them (because they have a singluar thought system, as in only their way is right) that just because I'm not a Christian, that does not mean that I'm a denier of their belief system. I told them that I believe that Chrisitianty is fine for them, but not for me. Then I attempted to tell them that I truly feel that all belief systems are true for those who believe in them, and that all forms of worship feed the lifeforce of their dieties. I think that they thought that I was braying like an ass for the confusion I noticed. I felt bad about how my belief systems rocked their world, but I am very glad that I didn't try to be defensive about it. I had to tell them that I think that we were going to have to agree to disagree. And, to my amusement, they told me that they would pray for me. I was actually touched, as I know that they love me. But I also feel a slight bit of bemusement at them.
I know that if I was their daughter, that I would not be allowed to have this point of view, and still be allowed to have the same degree of relationship. It makes me sad to know that they are this narrow minded in their viewpoints. And makes me glad to know that even if I am the technical black sheep of my family, that I am still accepted.
With my parents, yes, I do have conflicting beliefs, as they are Christian, and I left the church about 10 years ago. They are the best parents about it though. I'm not thrown out of the family, and if I was living in the '50's with my current behavior of living unwed to my boyfriend for 8 years, and being a Northen European heathen, I think that they're gems, as my belief system, and current state of unwed co-habitation doesn't concern them as much as the lack of grandchildren. :D
But, they're not the reason I came up with this thread! ;)
I had family that drove out from Kentucky to visit for a few days. We do not see each other very often. I had not seen my aunt for 20 years, since my aunt and uncle's wedding in which I was the flower girl. I had not seen my uncle for 13 years, when he came out for his father's funeral. My two cousins I had never met. My aunt and uncle are both retired military.
While at a restaurant in San Francisco Chinatown, the plans for the next day were being discussed. As it was a Sunday, they were planning on going to Church, and then afterwards to drive down to Muir Woods. My uncle asked if I would be attending, with the assumption that I would be going, because of course I'm Christian, right? (:rolleyes:)
Well, instead of keeping my mouth shut, and just allowing the trip to continue on it's merry way to a happy ending; I told the truth: that I would not be attending church, as I'm a heathen, and I had gotten "shanghaied to go to church a few weeks previously because I needed to talk to the preacher's wife about professional matters, as I am wanting to get into the medical field as a doula. I had been saying this in a joking manner, as I'm no longer defensive of my choices. I got some shell shocked faces, and an internal chastisement from that little part of me that snoozes all too often, (namely common sense) for being a dork and telling my extended family things that they didn't need to know, as they wouldn't understand.
I got the line, You don't believe in the Bible?, and I had a difficult time telling them (because they have a singluar thought system, as in only their way is right) that just because I'm not a Christian, that does not mean that I'm a denier of their belief system. I told them that I believe that Chrisitianty is fine for them, but not for me. Then I attempted to tell them that I truly feel that all belief systems are true for those who believe in them, and that all forms of worship feed the lifeforce of their dieties. I think that they thought that I was braying like an ass for the confusion I noticed. I felt bad about how my belief systems rocked their world, but I am very glad that I didn't try to be defensive about it. I had to tell them that I think that we were going to have to agree to disagree. And, to my amusement, they told me that they would pray for me. I was actually touched, as I know that they love me. But I also feel a slight bit of bemusement at them.
I know that if I was their daughter, that I would not be allowed to have this point of view, and still be allowed to have the same degree of relationship. It makes me sad to know that they are this narrow minded in their viewpoints. And makes me glad to know that even if I am the technical black sheep of my family, that I am still accepted.