Are maternal instincts real?/Do mothers actually love their children?

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Originally Posted by InmostLight

There's an increased risk of precipitate labor (I think this is like 80% for my case) and premature birth in the third trimester (60% if I remember correctly). Basically the pelvic floor muscle of women with collagen-affecting diseases, as well as the other skin and muscles in the area, is too weak and floppy to support the baby on its way out. In my specific case, I additionally have a deformity in my lower spine which makes my hips and lower back extremely stiff, and since it's caused by my bones being stuck together where they shouldn't be, I can't just yoga my way out of it. Having a displaced tailbone is not fun, and if I could get one from sitting on a plane too long, I can't imagine what a baby tearing out of me at full speed would do

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I see, thanks.

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Originally Posted by Seya

From which communitarian/collectivist societies are your co-workers? From what I know, westerners are the least likely to abandon their children. The poorer the country, the higher the abandonment rate is usually. As far as I know Iran in the country with the highest abandonment rate. They have the biggest number of children abandoned in carboard boxes.

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But I think they do this for another reason in Iran. Maybe this babies were made extramaritally and all this mothers are afraid of the religion police. That’s unfortunately a bad thing in our culture, premarital intercourse shouldn’t be a taboo anymore and we should explain our children how to prevent or have safe sex.

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Originally Posted by Mejgusu

But I think they do this for another reason in Iran. Maybe this babies were made extramaritally and all this mothers are afraid of the religion police. That’s unfortunately a bad thing in our culture, premarital intercourse shouldn’t be a taboo anymore and we should explain our children how to prevent or have safe sex.

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Yes, as I said...societies posing in having conservative values, laws forbidding child prevention, lack of education in schools or at home...
It's a lot less likely for such things to happen when you are the one deciding when it's time to have a child.

This is what I mean:
https://www.facebook.com/ExeterChief...74258/?__cft__[0]=AZWv8GuEcEivuiEiUULFLL5slubg3Mny7DETNQbDTlsoYPuvu vpXLt5-1Cx0DZzJpkqtV7XlB1FOMSKFpkeIJnaUIE1BbI9Z4L-BjmasUKU5rwUH_dn3D95uTIZy2Q1d2zM&__tn__=EH-R

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Originally Posted by Tooting Carmen

There is definitely also a paternal instinct - I have seen plenty of big macho men get incredibly gooey and sentimental whenever babies are around (and not just their own either).

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Is it just me, or do you also notice big macho men being overall better with babies and children? My area is full of soyboys wearing baby wraps looking completely and totally dead inside, but the more conventionally masculine men seem delighted to handle children.

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Originally Posted by InmostLight

We've all heard and read about how women would die for their children and all that, but there are also so many horrifying stories of women feeling no connection to their children, leading to regret, which then snowballs into abuse and neglect, or even abandonment. Does anyone think the likelihood of regretting motherhood is culture-dependent? My classmates and coworkers from communitarian/collectivist societies are shocked to hear that a mother could discard of her child, but my American (and sometimes other Westerner) peers are used to it, with some viewing motherhood with total disgust.

Is there any way to predict what type of mother a woman will be? How can you tell if you'll get the fabled experience of becoming a mama bear who loves every second with her children, or an evil crone who views them with eternal contempt and resentment? Is the risk even worth it?

Edit: well of course they're real for some women, so a better question should be, do all women have maternal instincts, or is it possible to be born lacking the ability to have them?

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Hey don't worry, you'll make a great mom. You probably overdo it, but what's the worst that can happen, they might get a bit spoiled. You'll be the mom your mom wasn't :)

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Originally Posted by InmostLight

Is it just me, or do you also notice big macho men being overall better with babies and children? My area is full of soyboys wearing baby wraps looking completely and totally dead inside, but the more conventionally masculine men seem delighted to handle children.

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Maybe.

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Originally Posted by Annihilus

Hey don't worry, you'll make a great mom. You probably overdo it, but what's the worst that can happen, they might get a bit spoiled. You'll be the mom your mom wasn't :)

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You're very sweet Annihilus :loveheart: when someone has seen the darkest, slimiest bowels of "the worst that can happen", it can be hard for them to believe that things won't always be that bad in every situation. Maybe everybody's "worst" is different, and some people are more or less extreme than others

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Originally Posted by InmostLight

We've all heard and read about how women would die for their children and all that, but there are also so many horrifying stories of women feeling no connection to their children, leading to regret, which then snowballs into abuse and neglect, or even abandonment. Does anyone think the likelihood of regretting motherhood is culture-dependent? My classmates and coworkers from communitarian/collectivist societies are shocked to hear that a mother could discard of her child, but my American (and sometimes other Westerner) peers are used to it, with some viewing motherhood with total disgust.

Is there any way to predict what type of mother a woman will be? How can you tell if you'll get the fabled experience of becoming a mama bear who loves every second with her children, or an evil crone who views them with eternal contempt and resentment? Is the risk even worth it?

Edit: well of course they're real for some women, so a better question should be, do all women have maternal instincts, or is it possible to be born lacking the ability to have them?

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I have very strong maternal instincts, but I was raised by my mother who has very little. She has Narcissistic personality disorder (the ignoring type) and has been an alcoholic for over 40 years. I often wonder what type of person/mother she would be if she didn't have npd and alcoholism.

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Originally Posted by InmostLight

We've all heard and read about how women would die for their children and all that, but there are also so many horrifying stories of women feeling no connection to their children, leading to regret, which then snowballs into abuse and neglect, or even abandonment.

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Those are psychopaths. Normal women do care.