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They actually appear after I pay too much attention to any part of my body. Right now, I'm fixated on the movements of my tongue and mouth muscles. The slightest mispronounciations will drive me to think my speech is slurred, and therefore that I have ALS or a brain tumour, if there are even the slightest headaches or a feeling of painless pressure on my head. Then, if I fixate on my heart's rhythm and my respiratory rate, the deviations (which I, after all these ECGs and ultrasounds I've done, know now they're completely normal) I think I'll have a cardiac arrest, prompting me to check my heart rate, my blood pressure and my rhythm of breaths. If I see blood on the toilet, as I see it on and off the last two years, I will panic and think it's colon cancer, and I will be checking if I lose weight abruptly... Or to do blood tests, to see if I have anaemia (which, after having done 2 blood tests in a row, they found absolutely nothing, as my blood work showed a perfectly healthy 21 year old man).
And then... The feeling of weakness that I have over the last 2 weeks, that are nearing to the 3. That prompted me into go into the ER. Two consecutive times, over 2 days, in two different hospitals, wasting the times of the doctors who cured actual serious cases. In one of the two I went they were saving a man from a heart attack. While I was worrying like a crybaby over "pinches on the chest area and generalised weakness", and they found nothing. Mind you, these ECGs of these two hospitals were done not even 24 hours from one another. And the ultrasounds.
I know I have to calm down. But as you said, it's extremely hard. I've been fighting this for almost 5 months now.
Right now, no, but I do visit a psychiatrist (he does not propose invasive medication, we're holding discussions, which have helped)
I am having therapy sessions with a psychiatrist.
I know... It's terrifying that, while you're healthy, your mind plays awful, AWFUL tricks to you. Like, I already must have died (knock on wood) from 6 multiple diseases already.
Yes, anxiety can do awful things.
That's actually what my best friend is saying over and over again. We're all going to die sooner or later, so, no worth chasing certainty when the only certainty of life is death... Pretty paradoxical, right?
I actually had no symptoms when I was for vacations in Cephalonia. When I returned to Athens however...
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